Please settle a bet for us. My roommate swears that she saw Stephen Moran with Nicole Kidman in a shot of one of those after-Oscar parties last night. I have bet her a pack of thongs that she is wrong. I'm pretty sure I saw Stephen pass by on the red carpet with Helena Bonham Carter riding on his back, and goading him on with a riding crop and silver spurs. (Ooh, I don't know now! I think I might have dreamed that bit.) Our other roommate, Crystal-Melanie Sturmey-Archer thinks she recognised Bryan E in the background having a raucous time with other frat-packers playing a drinking game with tequila slammers or something (I don't know what she's talking about.) Anyway I'm like, shut up beatch, nobody's ever seen Bryan E, and she's like that's where you're wrong, because she went to his room after a book signing. So please pGpr, tell us who was at the Oscars from your authors.

Wendy May Houllebecqder